May 6, 2010

The Biggest Lie I Ever Told

Recently, Kate was discussing that if you could harness the ingenuity of teens trying to get away with stuff they shouldn't, into a more worthy cause then the hole is the ozone would be totally dunzo by now.

"Hmmm.  I don't know" I thought to myself.  I mean, look at that innocent face.  And ripped jeans of the sweet fifteen year-old above.  I would never . . .get away with something without getting caught.

Yes, I was a bit of a holy terror as a teen, whereas Hubs was quite lovely.  We've all tried to explain to him our reckless youth, but I don't think he fully understands.  I lay in dread of when our unborn progeny hit that magic age of rebellion.  Poor Hubs is not going to know what hit him, while I act try to act innocent knowing all along that here is the karmic retribution my mother warned me about.

Looking like baby, preppy, outdoorsy thugs was the look of 1996-1997.
Moving on from those dire thoughts, MOH and I were discussing some of the most ingenious idiotic crap we pulled on our poor parents.  She said that I needed to tell y'all about the time we got kidnapped as a senior prank.  I politely demurred, after all, I do have an image to uphold. 

Hmmm- considering I'm wearing overalls, striped socks, and flannel in this picture, I'll consider my image throughly destroyed.

So spring, sophomore year of high school, some of  the soon to be graduating seniors invited some of us girls to go four wheeling.  We eagerly accept without thinking of the major problem- that it's a Monday night.  No going out on school nights. . .except for Campaigners and Young Life, which had already ended for the year.  We decided that we would tell our moms we were off to Campaigners, then proceeded to party down at this magical place called Harry's Dock.  It consisted of a bunch of property on the lake, with a three story dock, and lots of torn up earth perfect for four wheeling.

It's a pretty idyllic scene, drinking beers, watching the sun set, looking at cute older boys, when it starts to get dark.  Curfew time is creeping up, and those of us with more restrictive parents need to get home.

Unfortunately, the boys are stuck.  One of their vehicles, an old Toyota Land-cruiser FJ40 three on the tree (don't ask I was big into this back in the day), was stuck.  The boys had chains, they had skis, they had wooden boards, nothing was pulling this guy out.  At this point, none of ladies cared a whit.  After all, it was after ten o'clock, and we just needed to get home.  This was pre-cell phone era, and the one we had did not have reception.  Finally, after much pleading, we convinced one of the boys (who are obviously far more concerned with their machinery than whether we will be grounded for life), to take us back to our cars so we can skedaddle home.

Elated and relieved, we pile in his old Blazer, and set off down the bumpy dirt road to the main road.  Then we see flashlights.  Not good.  Two police officers stop the truck, much to the discomfort of our gallant driver, as being pulled over, trespassing, with a bevy of under age girls, all of whom have been drinking beer, is not a pleasant experience.  Terrified, we are polite, scared sober.  Well, as polite as five rather full of themselves teenage girls can be.

After much discussion, the police officer decides only our driver's parents will be called, since he is eighteen. I think he was swayed by our accounts of the domestic child abuse which will occur if he calls our mamas.  The boy's father, who is a BRAIN SURGEON, comes and picks us up.  We cram into his Mercedes, while his son goes with the police to find our other companions*.  We make MOH sit up front and talk (why did you agree to that, by the way?), and finally get home past eleven on a school night.  Not good.  Not good at all.

My mother is sitting up, in her nightgown, livid.  However, I was prepared with the story we had all agreed to stick to. "Mom, I'm so sorry- we got kidnapped as a senior prank"


That's what we told out parents.  We figured that they would never guess it was a lie, since it was so patently ridiculous.  And they couldn't really prove that we didn't get kidnapped as a senior prank. 

Hmmmm, maybe that hole in the ozone would be greatly diminished if I had put my teen brain to it.

*The other boys, sensing the whiff of authority in the air, took off and swam across the lake to a nearby island, where they spent a shivering cold night.  For reals.


  1. Great story and some fine lying!

  2. Well played! That is hilarious.

  3. Hahaha! Great story...Totally reminds me of my hometown and the stupid things we did!

  4. Hahaha! That's too funny. I can't believe I haven't heard that. Guess you aren't going to reveal who the boys were?

  5. This is great I love it. I told a few little lies like that back in high school. :)

  6. Seriously, kids are geniuses... and then sometimes they aren't. Like the time my parents found out my best friend and I had been sleeping over at her boyfriend's older (college age) brother's friend's apartment with our boyfriends senior year (in true teenage fashion, we told each of our parents we were at the other's house). They were all pissy and talking about how that's an inappropriate situation to put yourself in and I just blurted out "you know, if I make up my mind to lose my virginity, I don't need an apartment to do it in... I'll do it in the car!"

    Smart Kate, reeeeeeal smart.

    As you can guess, that statement did not persuade them to allow me to continue our coed sleepovers.

  7. I love this story! One of my most favorites ever....I remember walking in my house covered in mud and drunk as a skunk. But somehow think I got out of being grounded


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