Nov 23, 2010

The Dog Ate My Pants Defense

So, after a fun-filled night in Athens for Kinger's engagement party, I groggily awoke and after consuming enough bacon to make me feel like a human being, I decided it was time to struggle into clothes and get on the road.  I pulled on my tee and cardigan, rooted through the clothes scattered around Kinger's childhood bedroom, and slipped on my pixie pants.

Which were quite drafty.

"Oh my word!  I have eaten entirely too much bacon and split my damn pants!" were the first thoughts that flew through my bleary brain.  Hmmm.

I was a bit relieved when I removed the air-conditioned britches and discovered chew marks.  Kinger's devil dachshund, Lula, had eaten out the seat of my pants. I was faced with a conundrum- I could wear my gold and black full skirted cocktail dress, bottom-less pixie pants, or my lime green and fuchsia cotton pj pants.  I chose the latter, and prayed I wouldn't have to get gas or you the facilities on my four hour drive home.

In case either of the above became a necessity, I chose to go home through the mountains- a bit longer than driving through Atlanta and Chattanooga, but far less probability of seeing anyone I know.

Zooming on up the highway, rehashing all the gossip from the night before on my phone, I was completely unaware that the speed limit had changed from 65 to 55. However, the cop that was behind me was quite aware.

Now, I was just too worn out to even attempt to get out of the ticket.  I merely queried when the limit had changed, then settled down to read my new Town and Country while he wrote the ticket.

Of course, I did have to explain to him that I was speeding for a perfectly legitimate reason.

I had to go to the restroom and the dog ate my pants!

Yeah, I still got the ticket.

7 comments:

  1. You know, I've had plenty of experience with dogs eating shoes, underwear, or socks... but never pants! Very glad to see that Buddy wasn't implicated in all this ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm sorry about the pixies & the ticket :( But thank you for brightening my morning with your humor! Love your stories!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh Faye! Lula sends her deepest regrets :) Thanks for coming to Athens it was a blast per usual. Would not have been the same without you !

    ReplyDelete
  4. So sorry about your ticket, but this post very much made me smile!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Just stumbled upon your blog! Which part of TN are you from, I am in Knoxville. Great blog, can't wait to read more!

    So sorry about the ticket!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Boo on the ticket but TOO freaking funny about the pants! oh my!

    ReplyDelete

I love to hear from y'all, so drop me a line!