Nov 23, 2010

The Dog Ate My Pants Defense

So, after a fun-filled night in Athens for Kinger's engagement party, I groggily awoke and after consuming enough bacon to make me feel like a human being, I decided it was time to struggle into clothes and get on the road.  I pulled on my tee and cardigan, rooted through the clothes scattered around Kinger's childhood bedroom, and slipped on my pixie pants.

Which were quite drafty.

"Oh my word!  I have eaten entirely too much bacon and split my damn pants!" were the first thoughts that flew through my bleary brain.  Hmmm.

I was a bit relieved when I removed the air-conditioned britches and discovered chew marks.  Kinger's devil dachshund, Lula, had eaten out the seat of my pants. I was faced with a conundrum- I could wear my gold and black full skirted cocktail dress, bottom-less pixie pants, or my lime green and fuchsia cotton pj pants.  I chose the latter, and prayed I wouldn't have to get gas or you the facilities on my four hour drive home.

In case either of the above became a necessity, I chose to go home through the mountains- a bit longer than driving through Atlanta and Chattanooga, but far less probability of seeing anyone I know.

Zooming on up the highway, rehashing all the gossip from the night before on my phone, I was completely unaware that the speed limit had changed from 65 to 55. However, the cop that was behind me was quite aware.

Now, I was just too worn out to even attempt to get out of the ticket.  I merely queried when the limit had changed, then settled down to read my new Town and Country while he wrote the ticket.

Of course, I did have to explain to him that I was speeding for a perfectly legitimate reason.

I had to go to the restroom and the dog ate my pants!

Yeah, I still got the ticket.


  1. You know, I've had plenty of experience with dogs eating shoes, underwear, or socks... but never pants! Very glad to see that Buddy wasn't implicated in all this ;-)

  2. I'm sorry about the pixies & the ticket :( But thank you for brightening my morning with your humor! Love your stories!

  3. Oh Faye! Lula sends her deepest regrets :) Thanks for coming to Athens it was a blast per usual. Would not have been the same without you !

  4. So sorry about your ticket, but this post very much made me smile!

  5. Just stumbled upon your blog! Which part of TN are you from, I am in Knoxville. Great blog, can't wait to read more!

    So sorry about the ticket!

  6. Boo on the ticket but TOO freaking funny about the pants! oh my!


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