Blonde Moments

Whatever your hair color, we all have them- some more than others (I'm definitely in the more category).  So in honor of the fact that I'm getting to spend Memorial Day weekend at the beach with one of my favorite blondes, Abby D., I present to you two hilarious blonde moments told at a dinner party I attended last week.
(all names will be kept confidential to protect the blondes).

#1.  L's Orchid

So our hostess Friday night, L., started getting teased about an orchid, with everyone shouting to bring it outside where we were enjoying cocktails before dinner.  She sheepishly did so, grinning and blushing.  Why was the orchid such a big deal? 

L. lovingly watered it for a year, nurturing the beautiful blooms of the orchid.  In fact, she did so well with the orchid that it bloomed for an entire year.

Because it was fake. 

L. watered a silk orchid for a year, while her husband silently giggled as water pooled around the top of the pot.  He finally told her, and the orchid sits on top of their mantelpiece.  At L's wedding the orchid was compared to her and husband's love- forever undying.  Hee.

#2-  J.'s "Clean " Clothes

I especially loved this one, as J. is extremely put together, neat and tidy, organized to a t, has a thank you note in the mail before she's even opened a gift type of gal.  That makes her story even funnier.

Her younger sister visits, and stays with J. and her husband for a week.  She is doing some laundry and asks J. where the detergent is.  J. replies that it's on the shelf in front of her.  They tiff back and forth, as close sisters are wont to do.  Finally, J's sister marches the bottle so-called detergent in front of J. and says "This is not detergent.  This is fabric softener!"

J.  washed her and her husbands clothes with fabric softener for a year!  Someone who uses hand sanitizer like it's going out of style had been wearing dirty underpants for a year!  Haaaaaahahahahahaah- I am cracking up right now just thinking about it.

I can't think of any good ones to tell on myself right now, but I know y'all have some for me!  Entertain me as I drive to the beach- let's hear those blonde (and brunette and ginger) moments!

Strawberry Dump

Yes, not the most appetizing name, I realize.  However, it tastes so yummy!

Here is all the ingredients you need (plus berries).

First, macerate a couple pints of hulled and halved strawberries in about a cup of sugar.  I like to macerate things, because it sounds difficult and chef-like.  It means "let it sit in some sugar".  Don't tell anyone.

Cherry (any soft fruit) Dump

1 can of sour cherries (when in season use 2 cups of macerated berries)
1/2 c. sugar (already used this while macerating)
1c. plain flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 t. salt
3/4 c sugar
3 T. melted butter
1/2 c sweet milk

Let fruit and sugar stand while mixing other ingredients (us up to 1 c. sugar if fruit needs it). Mix dry ingredients together; add milk and melted butter. Pour into greased 8" or 9" square pan. Put the fruit-sugar mixture on top and bake at 350* for 1 hour.

While that was baking I made so homemade whipped cream.  This was super hard.

Just kidding- whipping cream, a splash of vanilla (quick note- NEVER use imitation vanilla- it's disgusting, so splurge and buy the real thing, please), and a scant tablespoon of sugar.  Beat it.  Done.

I served it with reserved strawberries in sugar drizzled on top and whipped cream on top.. so yummy.

I was taking this to a dinner party, so it had to cook in the oven there.  I got so busy talking, that there was no picture taking, but believe me, there was nothing left.  Hubs was disappointed, and tried to get me to run our hosts' kitchen, scoop our dish and dash home so he could have some for breakfast.  People were still eating!  He, alas, did not take his opportunity to eat when it was available. 

He was also very disappointed that he missed me making the whipped cream- I have a feeling he was imagining a more Serena Van Der Woodson moment, opposed to me standing over the blender in my curlers an apron.  I am one sexy lady!

Here is my grandmother Faye's comment from her well-worn cookbook..."this is a good family dessert or add a little whipped cream and it becomes a company dessert"

Drivers' Ed

I felt like I was in one of those goofy Driver's Ed videos this morning- progressing from foggy residential with kids, squirrels, and old ladies in Cadillacs popping out in front of me all over the place!  Then I went through a construction zone, heavy commercial and a school zone, with various people trying to get me to run them over.  I didn't.  Maybe if I had made it to the cow hazard in the rural zone. . .

Do y'all remember those videos?  We had to watch them in a trailer where the "simulator" was located.  My fifteen year old brain had grand visions of some sort of awesome virtual reality, when instead the graphics and technology were dwarfed by my old school Sega Genesis.

Due to my super late birthday, when I finally got into the actual car, it was a bit of a nightmare.  my best friend Ella and I giggled into Drivers Ed, after having barely passed our permit exams.  Her June birthday and my August one meant that although it was spring, neither of us had a bit of driving experience under our belts.  Driving experience would involve riding with our parents.  Sophomore year of high school?  No way.

So lo and behold, Ella and I magically land in the same group.  Our poor teacher, Coach H, practically had a melt-down when either one of us was forced to get on the interstate, which invariably induced Clueless like screaming from the back seat. 

Luckily Coach H was of a good natured sort (and I had dated and was good buddies with his son, who also tried to teach me to drive- his jeep around my parents' property), and Ella and I made it through Driver's Ed unscathed.

Well, until we got into a wreck coming out of Chick-fil-a right after I got my license, but that's a story for a different time. . .

Also, today is Virge's birthday!!!!  Happy Birthday dear friend- best inventor of useless impossible inventions (silent blender anyone?),  most entertaining roommate, longest armed (seriously- the girl never needs help with a zipper), favorite person to laugh with, have a fabulous birthday my love!

A Nice Little Sunday

Hello lovies!  As some of you know, Sunday was my one year anniversary- so wild.  I can't believe I have been a staid old married lady for over a year now. It was pretty low-key, as we are celebrating at the Beach Barn next weekend.

After a chill Saturday night of tacos, and movies, I dashed out of Sunday school to take hubs to the airport.

Then flew back to church to see our friends' baby's baptism.  I contemplated what I would say if pulled over, and decided that if the police officer was a church-goer, I might get a warning . . .luckily no cops intervened, and I made it back just in time.

AK and I had a little post-church lunch, and mall shopping, then I headed to (y'all are going to die!)

Jazzercise!  Paige (fake little sister) had been raving about how much fun it is, so I joined her for a little grapevining, step ball changing, and even some sexy walking!  Ha- it was super fun though, and a great workout.  I'll be back to hopefully perfect my hip thrusting.

Finally, having warmed up my dance moves it was time for the Reverend.  Since Hubs had to be out of town for work, I went on our anniversary date with friends, which was far superior to sitting at home pouting.

 

Surrat and I- love the complementary colors, hate the fact that we resemble a Florida fan. 

Yum- we enjoyed the beautiful weather and excellent company with a couple pitchers of sangria- white for the girls, red for the fellas. Ours' was comprised of champagne, vodka, triple sec, peaches, white grapes, and apricots.  I am on a missions to recreate- any recipes out there?

Then Al Green.  There are no words. . .so I will let my blurry camera phone picture do the talking.

One thing I must mention that the pic leaves out- the Reverend had two males back up dancers/hype men.

Their moves?  Quite similar to the ones I learned in jazzercise earlier that day- maybe if I keep this jazzercise thing up, I might have a future!

Take Me Out!

So after inhaling a pre-run fueling of pretzel m&m's (have y'all tried these marvelous delights?), I headed into the humidity for a hilly little run around my favorite park in town. 

One of my favorite reasons I brave the outdoor heat, and steep as all get out hills of this park is this-

I love the sound of aluminum bats cracking against balls, the dugout cheers, the parents hollering for their little league star- the sound of summer.  As you may imagine from descriptions of my coordination level, I was a horrible softball player- I mean I was walked (I was quite short as a child, as I did not reach my full stature of 5'4" with shoes on until practically college), or struck out every time I went to bat.  It was considered a victory when I hit a fly ball.  

Surprisingly, this did not scar me from the ball park- I mean it was THE childhood hangout!  I eventually became a scorekeeper, as I was far better at monitoring numbers than catching things.  It was the best in middle school where you could check out all your crushes, and cheer them on.

 

Americana at it's best- every time I start my run at the top of the hill, looking down upon this-

(That's the Tennessee River and the Great Smoky Mountains in the background.)  I swell with a deep sense of satisfaction that all is right in this world.  Pretty silly I know, but sometimes a little dose of Norman Rockwell come to life is what you need.

Do y'all have moments like that?  Also, I want to hear weekend plans!  I get to see my absolute hands down favorite-

The Reverend Al Green. . .last time I saw him it was 105 degrees outside in Atlanta.  Kinger and I were sweating our tails off, partially from the heat, and also because we were acting like tweens at a Justin Beiber concert (I was about to say Justin Timberlake, then realized I am getting elderly).  The Reverend was cool as a cucumber, strolling about the stage in a full tuxedo, carrying a red rose (swoon!).

I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about it. 

Dreaming of Paradise on 30-A

The Beach Barn

In a few weeks I will be at the beach, relaxing on the white sands, buoyant in the salty clear water (or avoiding plumes of oil, but I'm focusing on the positive here, ladies).  I just adore the Design Coast/Redneck Riviera/Florida Panhandle.  Highway 30-A was where Hubs told me he loved me for the first time, and where we went on our honeymoon.  Obviously two different trips, some time apart- other wise that would be a bit bizarre, no?

So here is what I am dreaming of as I work away,

The Red Bar  in Grayton Beach

Ahhh, crab cakes made even better by the fact that you can only get them on Friday and Saturday nights.  Cash and check only- four items on the menu for dinner.  It's always packed, so plan on an early or late dinner.  You will always run into someone you know at the bar- it never fails, from random Georgia folks, to my dentist.

The Great Southern Café- in Seaside
Eat these super rich shrimp and grits- ahhhhh.  Just don't do it for lunch- you will not want to be in a bikini.  You will want to lay down and let your tummy deflate.  Probably for hours.  Seriously.  It's too delicious to be moderate.  My mama swears by their burgers, but I can't stay away from the grits or the veggies.

For lunch, if I'm not partaking in the crab cake salad at the Watercolor Beach Club, or my fave beach lunch-  a sun respite of tuna salad accompanied by classic 90210 re-runs at home, I hit up the grouper sandwich at  the Seagrove Market which is basically on the edge of Seaside.  Hubs likes to top that off with some nanner pudding from Modica Market  which also carried amazing cheeses like Humboldt Fog and Cowgirl Creamery.  Try their pre-made Greek salad too!

For fine dining, there are tons of fabulous options, but my favorite is Café Thirty-A.  My favorite meal on our honeymoon was a fried oyster salad, with spinach and bacon, and a tuna tartare.  Sigh.. . I am stuffed to the gills after a Thai feast tonight, but I could eat that right now. 

I bet y'all didn't expect an essay on my favorite meals did you?  I just can't narrow it down- so many drool-worthy options!

Hurricane Oyster Bar for beers, oysters, and a fun time. 

Try the Orgasm roll at Old Florida Fish-house.  It's not on the menu, and I blush every time I order it.  It's worth it.

Bud and Alley's for mojitos and the sunset (but I do not recommend downstairs for fine dining- over-rated).  Here's what happens to me after a few of those-

A big old time!  I'm sure I left some places out. . . where am I forgetting?

What are y'all's faveorite beach haunts?  Are you gulf coast gals?  Or like me growing up, Hilton Head, Pawley's ladies?

Going to the Chapel and Getting Down!

So Day Two on my mini-Mississippi wedding vacation-

All of us woke up and headed to the pool for re-hydration, beers, and hot dogs- apparently the founder of the club is a famous hot dog maker?  Someone from Mississippi please illuminate me on this topic.

I debuted my new bikini which was a Valentine's present from Hubs- he also bought me a new visor at the Club.  Such a romantic. 

The guys battled beers, and floating rafts.  They were pretty bummed to head in to put on their tuxedos.

The wedding was at the bride's home church, about thirty minutes away. The ceremony was lovely, although interrupted by a couple power outages caused by the incipient thunder storm rumbling towards us.  No one was harmed, and we progressed back to the Old Waverly for the reception.  Bill and Katie got down, I ate a bunch of fried catfish, danced my tail off and hung with some of my best friends in the world.

A very successful weekend!  Bon voyage to Bill and Katie as they honeymoon in Italy!

Down in Mississippi and Up to No Good!

Hubs graciously chauffeured us in my parents' mini-van (also known as the dog-mobile), to West Point Mississippi for an incredible wedding weekend.  We mainly drove through Alabama, where we saw a lot of this-

As a Tennessee and Georgia girl, I have to say no thank you on the hounds-tooth paraphernalia.  Although, due to her car-mates trickery, Peg drove down practically the entire way with a "Piss on Kiffin" bumper sticker on her vehicle- which ended up aiding their car in getting out a speeding ticket in Mississippi. 

We arrived at our lovely cottage which overlooked the golf course at Old Waverly, and got ready for dinner.  I thought Tins and I coordinated quite nicely with our green and black dresses.

MOH and DW at dinner- I had oysters on the half shell, a crab-meat remoulade with deviled eggs and seafood gumbo.  MOH detests both seafood and eggs, so my meal was complete Fear Factor for her.  I've tried to Sam-I-Am her several time, especially on sushi, but it's to no avail.

Then everyone got done toasting the wedding party and joined us- we had a big ole time!

It was so nice to see friends from all over- Stacy and Travis came in from Charleston, and others flew in from DC and NYC.  The Old Waverly was fab because we all had villas and cottages on the property.  We did some gold cart driving, and tromping around, but did not have to worry about cabs or driving around (although with all the preggo peeps in our group of friends, finding a designated driver is not an issue!).

I decided I could definitely live in Mississippi if I lived at Old Waverly.  Such statement was promptly laughed at as (a) most of the actual residents seemed quite elderly and (b) it's a resort- of course I would like to live there.  I'll save our pool extravaganza and wedding for tomorrow, so as to not produce a novel for this post alone. 

How was your weekend?  Has wedding season begun for you?

Derby Days

As MOH, Tins, respective bf's, Hubs and I head to Mississippi for the first wedding of the season, I thought I'd show y'all my Derby Day.

At the Derby party we attended, seersucker was the attire- as evidenced by the guys.

Our hostess's racing themed J. McLaughlin dress was TDF!  Husb would not let me take a picture of us, since we were matching in our seersucker. 

After a mint julep (or a few in Hubs' case), we headed to shower for my fake (and MOH's real) little sister, Paige.  Hubs was supposed to attend a shower for our friends who's wedding we are en route to.  However, the mint juleps intervened in my divide and conquer plan.

Me and Paige.

Mint Juleps plus white wine.  Trouble indeed.

We are all staying at the Old Waverly, and I am so excited about a weekend with all my best childhood friends.  I'm sure I will be back exhausted with loads of stories (and a bit of the cocktail flu).

Update on the Critter Conflict

Oh yeah, the mouse is going down.  Or rather, going nowhere, as its feet will be stuck to a glue pad.  A glue pad which Hubs will have to take care of when he gets back in town.  I figure since I got crawled on, all other varmint duties fall to him.

MOH was ready to lay down the gauntlet though, as we progressed from guest bathroom to the scene of the crime.

She gathered weapons to battle the wee mouse.

Scary, right?

I hid a multitude of glue traps under my dresser, where the mouse escaped after recovery from its concussion.

My assistant suggested one of the no-kill traps.  Ha- so I can set Muffy free so she can reburrow in my pink terrycloth robe? I think not, animal lovers.  Don't violate my comfy robe!  (note to self- wash that thing tonight!)

We're waiting for you now. . .

I was very disturbed to discover that mice can eat wool.  Oh if my clothing is messed with, the vermin is going down!  I slept with practically all the lights on last night in order to mess up any rodents' nocturnal activities. 

Take that mouse that could fit in the palm of my hand! 

I ain't scared. . . to sleep with all the lights on and take pictures of you with my Blackberry.