Nov 17, 2011

Random Rants

I was in Dillards last week, perusing the bracelets for a fun a cuff to wear to my shower in Atlanta. A woman who looked to be in her mid-40's to 50's (difficult to tell, she was the type that wears so much makeup that it ages her), comes up and asks if I need any help.  "No, thank you.  I'm just browsing!" I reply with a smile.  She then proceeds to ask me in a saccharine tone "When is baby getting here?"  "End of January"  I say brightly, then turn back to the bracelets, hoping that she will get the hint.

She didn't.

"Wow, you are really showing then!"  Hmpph.  I look back up and flatly state "Well, I'm seven months pregnant." I should have simply walked away then, as she then goes into this speech about how she "did not gain a single pound with her pregnancies, and didn't even wear maternity clothes!" 

Good for you lady.  I've gained 20 pounds.  That means a lot of heft will be driving me when I punch you in the eye!  I sullenly stare at her, willing her with my eyes to quit talking and leave me the hell alone.  My teenager-y body language means nothing to her as she continues. "No stretch marks either!" she smugly crows.

Aha! I haven't gotten any of those yet, I think (knocking on every piece of wood currently surrounding me).  I triumphantly proclaim this fact to my Dillards sales clerk nemesis.

She smiles sweetly and says "Well, when you do get them, know it is all for a greater good!"

Instead of cutting her (although I did check with MOH to make sure she could care for the baby if I go to jail), or asking if her babies were subhuman since she did not gain any weight for their fluid, or placenta, I simply swept up my planned purchases and went to the shoe department for check out.  Probably not super effective, since I doubt she is commissioned, and I spent a teeny amount, but moral victory achieved!  No weight gain or stretch marks.  Hmmppphh.

Now, feel free to judge me on that, as I judge these ladies-

Oh, B.  You know I love you.  I think most of your pregnancy outfits have delightful.  I hate to do this to you, but no. . .

However, it gets worse.  Now obviously I do not have the same standard for someone like Hilary Duff as I do Beyonce.  This is just egregiously wrong though.

Dear Hilary,

Yes, we know you are pregnant and not chunking up.  However, this makes you look like a mustard colored wrinkly lumpy shiny mess.  Please take it off, and put on a maternity dress or something flowy.  Thanks!

A fellow lady in your condition.


  1. Also? LOWER YOUR HEMLINE. I would prefer to not see the baby crowning from beneath your mini.

    TOTALLY agree and good for you for just hightailing it. I remember when my mom was pregnant with my brother (11 yr difference) and, at 7 months, some woman literally said, "What?! Only 7 months??? You're HUGE!"

    Why thanks. And I will have a baby and lose the weight and you will always be rude and hateful.

  2. I'll go cut her for you! What is the matter with people? I swear, every person thinks they need to tell their own pregnancy story to every pregnant girl they see. Yuck!

    Hillary Duff. I think she's so cute pregnant, but in this dress she just looks FAT, not pregnant. And get some tights!

    And Beyonce.... I have lots of thoughts about this pregnancy, but I'll keep them to myself. :)

  3. Why do people always say sh*t like that to pregnant women???

    Hillary looks pretty bad in this dress, someone should have stopped her from walking out of the house!

  4. I just kind of hate people right now. Everyone has a comment... you're so big! you're too small! are you eating enough? wow, are you sure you just want the tub of icecream - no chocolate sauce to go with that?

    The only people I like right now are children. Every "look dad! that lady has a baby in her belly!" makes me smile... anyone else who tries to strike up a conversation with me gets an immediate side-eye.

    Hilary looks like a sausage. So unnecessary. And is it every appropriate to wear a dress with a zipper that starts at your hoo-ha and ends at your cleavage? I think not.

  5. Oh goodness. People can be so awful to pregnant women. Why do they need to be so obnoxious? Sorry you had to deal with that troll. Hope you don't encounter too many more.

  6. first of all, mrs. hillary looks like a bottle of french's mustard stuffed in that dress...horrible!

    as for the dillard's lady, where do these people come from??? not gaining weight...yeah right! she is in LA LA land--cut her if you like and claim it was the hormones that made you do it ;)

  7. As much as I have been craving mustard with my pregancy, I would avoid Hilary's dress like the plague. That is awful! That sales woman was a big jerk! Props to you for keeping your cool. Who the heck does she think she is anyway?!

  8. I swear people be crazy!

    What is it about a pregnant woman that people feel the need to let you know whether they think you are too big or too small. It's like just hush already.

  9. I never understood the license some people take when talking to a pregnant woman. And don't get me started on the touching of the stomach. Really?? Yeah, that sales lady needs to shove it. And, there are some outfits that should not be worn. I don't know how they can wear those heels either.

  10. What unnecessary and nasty things to say! I will NEVER understand how people in the service industry can be so off-putting. Not in your self-interest, lady!

    Yeah, Hilary's outfit there really hurts. She's been so low-key about her bump until now.

  11. Oh that picture of Hilary just hurts me!!

  12. Sorry I have to comment as anon, I don't have a blog. I just wanted to say that when I was pregnant, I would get this constantly: "You are HOW far along? But you are TINY. Is something wrong with the baby?". From total strangers. I don't know what it is about some people. They seem to lose all common sense when they open their mouths around pregnant ladies. You look absolutely lovely.


  13. Oh, the Pregnancy Police. The only ones I found more judgmental than the ladies of that certain age were their husbands. Either way, I'd happily cut that saleslady for you.

    As for Beyonce and Hilary there, I'd love to pull them aside and whisper, "Bless your heart - here's the name & location of the nearest maternity store." At a certain point we must all let go and let spandex do its job.


I love to hear from y'all, so drop me a line!