Oct 15, 2014

A S----y, S----y, S----y Day.

Dell Harper has been having trouble sleeping lately.  She has been having a recurring nightmare that there is a hole in her bed.  I have explained to her ad nauseum that there is no actual hole in her bed, but rationality is not a two year old's strong suit. Anyway, apparently the only solution is a cozy spot tucked in my bed.  I'm not down with this plan, especially since she sleeps diagonally and takes up twice as much space as I do (when I told her there wasn't any room for her in my bed, she happily pronounced Daddy can just scoot over, Mama1".

Anywhoo, last night after a bad dream, I got in bed with her to calm her down, and promptly fell asleep myself.  In a semi-conscious state, I became aware of a decidedly unpleasant odor, but I soldiered on, determined to sleep.

Then something was placed on my mouth.  Smeared on my lips by a small little hand.

My eyes flew open to see the giggling culprit.

She smeared poop on my lips.

Poop.

On my mouth.

I immediately flipped on the light, rubbed off my mouth with the sleeve of my pajamas, and hauled the BM manufacturer into the bathtub.  I scrubbed my hands and face over and over while rinsing her off.

I got her clean, in new pajamas, and checked her surroundings for errant fecal matter.  Apparently I was the only victim.

Then I checked the clock.  2:38.

You know it's going to be bad day when you have been smeared with shit and it's not even three a.m.

18 comments:

  1. Oh. My. God.

    My extremely tired (WHY CANT YOU SLEEP, BABY) face is horrified for yours right now.

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  2. This is hands-down the funniest post I have ever read. I am so sorry about the experience itself, though!

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  3. Just pretend it was Minny's Chocolate Pie. Bless you. The day can only get better from here, right?

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  4. Ahhh!!! She. DID. NOT!! I'll say this forever till I die, kids are so gross! You poor dear.

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  5. So terrible, yet so funny. Hopefully that hole goes away soon.

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  6. Oh. My. Goodness!! My jaw is dropped!! Poor momma!! I hope her dream goes away soon & all can get back to their normal sleeping arrangements... Sans poo!!

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  7. Bless it! I cannot imagine what my reaction would be to that. I hope your day gets better!

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  8. Oh HELL no. I don't even know what to say, other than I hope the hole goes away soon. And DH has zero leg to stand on for any argument, for the rest of her life. She put poop on your mouth, so you win. Everything. The End.

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  9. Oh my! We have very "spirited" children don't we? I am so sorry but does this mean you are a potty mouth?!!

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  10. I'm so sorry but this made me giggle! I hope the day gets better for you!

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  11. i can't even fathom!!!! OMG this makes me scared for my life and for my future and this totally screams something Caroline would do. I am hoping daddy M brings you a BIG BOTTLE of some adult beverage tonight to make the night better...cheers to you mama, you win the SH&$Y day award hands down

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  12. Oh my. OH. OH. I can't even.

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  13. OMG!!! Shut up! I'm laughing and vomiting and horrified for you all at the same time. NOOOOOOOO. Yes, you win for worst day ever.

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  14. Well, all I can say is that this is not anything you or your brother ever did....must come from Morgan's side of the family!!! Although, you have been known to have a Potty Mouth! hahahaha

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  15. I'M DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you punish her??? I cannot believe that!!!! My son (3.5) naps with my husband so nicely and then when I try to get him to nap with me he is poking my eyes, pulling my ears, smushing my belly. Why oh why!!!!!!!!!!!1

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  16. Oh my goodness. I feel so badly for you, but I cannot stop laughing. You poor thing! Although, I do feel badly for her as well since there is absolutely no way she will ever live this down for the rest of her life. This will surely be "the" story you tell the grandkids about to mortify her.

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  17. WOAH! NOT COOL DELL HARPER! NOT COOL!!!!!!!

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